Sorry for the wait Truebies. I need a vampire to come and turn me so I can avoid getting sick. My vampire of choice is Eric - come and bite me please!
Well, the two week wait was finally over on Sunday with "9 crimes". It picked up right where we left off, which is with Bill having head turning sex with Lorena. Here we go!
Talk about insensitive! Bill finished having hate sex with Lorena and decides to call Sookie and end all ties with her. He tells her that he screwed Lorena like only two vampires could - without him having to worry about hurting her (aka a human). He then goes on to tell her that he doesn't want to be found, so not to bother looking for him - damn! To add insult to injury, Lorena whispers a sweet hello to Sookie over the phone - ouch! After that phone call, Lorena is delighted because she believes that Bill is hers now. Bill doesn't agree and proves it by punching her in the face and out of the room. He later betrays Eric and the Queen by admitting to Russell that they are selling vampire blood - no bueno! He then goes out for a late night snack with Lorena and the King. He is sent to go procure a human meal from a strip club, while the others wait in the limo outside. He finds a stripper with no family and a horrible life and leads her to the limo aka her death. Just before entering the limo he feels Sookie's emotions and knows that she is near and in danger. He proceeds into the car without going off to rescue her and the three enjoy a human slurpee - yummy.
Lafayette just got his new ride from Eric, and he calls his cousin Tara to share the good news of his new car and to give her a present - his old car (how sweet!). Little does he know that she is literally tied up at the moment. He drives off to make a V deal and gets caught up by a bunch of ignorant hillbillies that don't like his kind (not sure if it's that he's gay, black, or both). The hillbilly clan proceeds to trash Lafayette’s brand new car and are about to give him a butt whipping when Eric comes to the rescue - our hero! He forces the trash to take the deal and tells "Rupaul" aka Lafayette to get going. They ride back to town and Eric tells Lafayette that not all people are tolerant of his uniqueness, and being a business man he should tone his image down. Lafayette attempts to respond to this theory, but Eric receives an important phone call and bails. Read below to find out what caused Eric to vanish - literally.
Eric is getting more involved when it comes to Sookie. So much so that he is daydreaming about Sookie giving herself to him. Hey, I thought she is the one who is supposed to dream about you since she had your blood. Anyway, he later saves Lafayette from getting his butt handed to him, and as they are driving home he receives a frantic call from Pam. The Magister has raided his club and has found the vampire blood - not good. She tells him to run, but Pam is his child and he goes to rescue her. When he gets to the club he finds the Magister torturing Pam - oh no! Eric says that he is being framed. The Magister tells him to explain how he's being framed, unless his Queen is the one supplying the blood. Either way Eric will be punished because to blame the Queen is considered treason - also a crime. Pam blurts out that it is Bill who is the person supplying the V and setting them up. Eric agrees with Pam, and says that he was out to prove Bill guilty when the Magister intervened. The Magister gives him 2 days to find Bill or Pam is going to meet her final death.
Is she ever going to get a break or die already? I'm leaning towards the dying part - please. Franklin is weirdly intrigued and possessive of Tara. He has her hypnotized and has her call Sookie. He uses her voice to try to get Sookie to tell them her location, but Sookie doesn't want Tara involved with her mess and refuses to tell her. Tara then tries to run, but Franklin catches her and takes the bite that he refused her earlier when they had sex (before she knew about his pshyco tendencies). He then ties her up and leaves her sitting on the toilet bowl - how thoughtful! Tara sees her phone ringing when Lafayette tries to get in touch with her, but she can't loosen the rope. Franklin goes to her later (at sundown) and brings her flowers. He then drives her to Mississippi with him, where he pretty much stakes claim to her. They go to Russell's house and Talbot invites them in. He believes Tara is a snack brought by Franklin to the King - is she? I don't think so.
Arlene is not a happy pregnant woman. This pregnancy is making her bitchy and poor Sam is taking the brunt of it. She complains that she has too much work and goes on a rampage. Sam decides to help her by hiring Jessica. She then gets pissed off that she's not the only red head in Merlotte's! Somebody give this woman some Prozac.
Jessica is now an official hostess for Merlotte's. She wants Sam to make her a waitress, but she can't serve alcohol until she's 18. She reminds him that she'll never be 18 - poor girl! She is doing great until a guy that she used to attend bible study with comes in. He recognizes her and is happy that she's alive (or so he thinks!). He tells her that her family is going to be very happy to hear the good news. Of course this can never happen. She takes him outside to the back of Merlotte's and takes away his memory of ever seeing her. Of course Hoyt picks just the right time to enter Merlotte's. He sees Jessica talking to a guy and assumes she has moved on - Men and their assumptions!
Jason wants to be a cop and he's not going to let a little fact that he's an idiot, and can't pass the test stop him. He is at Merlotte's getting a drink with Hoyt and attending Bud's retirement party. During Bud's speech, the younger Jason aka the person threatening to beat Jason's former football record, begins making a bunch of noise. Jason decides to put him in his place and flirt with his woman. Once that is over, he hears that Andy is going to be the new Sheriff in town. He decides that he is going to get what he wants after all. He follows Andy to the bathroom and threatens him. Either Andy makes him a cop or Jason will tell everyone that he (not Andy) is responsible for Eggs death. Jason - you are a big time meanie! Andy was only trying to help you.
Sam tries to chase down his little bro who was trying to break into his safe. He then sees that his family has decided to call his parking lot home. That's right, they parked their trailer behind Merlotte's and are camping out there. Sam bangs on the door and wants to know what the hell they are doing sleeping in his parking lot. His mom tells him that they will be gone in the morning. Sam then fills them in on his brother’s latest fiasco. They are "upset" and they tell Sam that he always pulls these stunts when they are facing tough times. He begins to ask them exactly how often do these "tough times" roll along, but decides that he doesn't care. He just wants them off his property. He later has a heart to heart with his younger bro Tommy. Sam admits that he's done bad things to survive, things he regrets. He wants his little bro to change his life, since he is young and has potential. Too bad he also has the burden of caring for his family since he won't let them live on the street. Sam decides to help out (as always, poor kind hearted Sam). He tells his family that he's going to set them up at one of his apartments. I don't think that was a wise decision Sam.
We are down to the woman of the hour - Sookie. Sookie is cleaning Alcide's wound (and seems to be enjoying it!) when she gets the call from Bill. After Bill breaks up with her, Sookie has a complete meltdown. She's crying and asking why, and Alcide being the gentle person that he is tells her that love always finds a way to hit you in the nut sack - he's so poetic! She continues to cry and he continues to comfort her in his "tell it like it is" way. He holds her, and then decides that he better leave. She tells him that she wants him to stay since she is so distraught. He leaves to put on a shirt, comes back, and they sleep together. Sorry, they literally sleep together - no nookie for Sookie. Oh well, maybe next time. The next morning he makes her breakfast and plans to drive her back home, but we all know Sookie is not going home. She is still going to find Bill and she wants his help. Her big plan - to attend Debbie’s (Alcide's ex-fiancé’s) engagement party where the V addicted Weres that took Bill will be in attendance. He tells her that he'll get her anything she needs to go, but that he's not going with her. Alcide's sister Janice shows up later to give her a Were bar transformation makeover. While putting Sookie's look together she tells her that she hates Debbie and is glad her brother is not with her anymore. She also wishes Sookie would go out with Alcide, but Sookie says she's not ready to date and Alcide is too hung up on his ex. Sookie then hears that Debbie is addicted to V and she uses this information to persuade Alcide to go with her. After the transformation, Alcide shows up and sees her new look, which is a short black wig, a leather sexy outfit, and a huge fake tattoo on her back. He thinks she'll fit in well, and that's when Sookie hits him with the info about his ex. Alcide is livid that Debbie is on V and Sookie convinces him to help her. After all, you don't give up on the people you love (unless your name is Bill - bad Bill!). He agrees to go with her and they set off to the bar. They split up and Sookie goes to the Weres that are next to the bar. Too bad the guy who tried to attack her and who jumped Alcide is there. He says she looks familiar, but Sookie changes the subject by taking shots with them. Debra sees that there is a new girl stealing the limelight and confronts Sookie. She wants to know who the hell she is and why she's attending her engagement party. That is when Alcide comes and tells Debbie that she's with him. Alcide tries to talk some sense into his ex, but she's having none of it. She proceeds to make out with her new man in front of Alcide, then goes on to perform their weird ritual of branding her into the pack. When you thought it couldn't get any weirder, the King shows up to bless the new couple, and the pack with some of his vamp blood. He fills glasses with his blood, and takes off. They all have a shot of blood, with Alcide and Sookie clearly in shock about what just happened. Suddenly something comes over all of the wolves and they begin changing, including Alcide. With eyes glowing and his change nearly complete he yells for Sookie to run!
My favorite lines / scenes:
Funniest Moment: Three way tie between Eric, Alcide and Sam's mommy and Daddy
Eric: After saving Lafayette from a beat down, he says "Let's go RuPaul." That had me dying!
Alcide: Alcide had a few moments that had me laughing.
The first two happens right after Sookie finds out that Bill is dumping her. She is asking why Bill would dump her and Alcide tells her: “no matter how well you think you know somebody, they still turn around and kick you right in the nut sac.” Sookie points out that she doesn’t have a nut sack, but I think she gets the point. He then tries to comfort her and begins holding Sookie. She is surprised that he is so warm. He tells her that it's a Were thing, "We run hot." Boy is he telling the truth! I demand that he never wears a shirt again.
The last of my fave Alcide quotes is when Sookie tells him she is going to continue to look for Bill, even though he broke up with her. His response, “Doormat!” lol...I couldn't agree with you more!
Sam's parents: After Sam's mama finds out that Tommy tried stealing from his big bro, she says: "Sometimes I think that boy’s cheese done slid right off his cracker.” His papa agrees by saying: “That boy makes my ass itch!” Yuck! It looked like it itched long before Tommy tried stealing from Sam. Go take a shower!
Shocking Moments: Bill and Magister
Bill: This goes to Bill's very direct and mean phone call to Sookie. "We f-cked like only two vampires could." Isn't that a little harsh? I've never seen Bill so mean and it sure wasn't pretty.
I would have never guessed that he would ransack Eric's bar and find the V. When Pam called Eric with the news, my only thought was: "Holy Crap!" My "holy crapness"(as I like to call it) continues when Eric and Pam blamed Bill. Do I smell trouble? Yes I do.
Best Makeover Award:
This goes to Sookie and Janice. Janice did an awesome job by turning ditsy, dumb blonde Sookie into a ditsy, bad ass, leather clad brunette. Kudos to you!
So, “9 crimes” was good, but certainly not the best of the season. I was thinking about the title and tried to find the 9 crimes. This is what I came up with:
1) Perjury- Pam and Eric blame Bill for the selling of vamp blood
2) Murder - Bill, Lorena, and Russell kill that stripper
3) Kidnapping - Franklin kidnaps Tara
4) Destruction of property: The hillbillies mess up Lafayette’s car
5) Assault: The magister assaults / tortures Pam
6) Drug dealing: Eric/Pam/Queen/Lafayette are all involved with the selling of V
7) Infidelity - Bill cheats on Sookie with Lorena
8) Blackmail - Jason tells Andy to make him a cop or he'll reveal what really happened with Eggs
9) Theft: Tommy tries to steal from Sam
What did you think of the episode? What were your favorite moments? Let me know and remember to take the poll: Who should Sookie end up with? Bill, Eric, Alcide, or Sam.
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