Let me just start out by saying…OMG! I had to let that out before I get into the recap. For those of you out there that saw the show, you'll know exactly why I'm screaming right now. The ending was crazy, which leaves us all crying "Why do we have to wait two weeks for the next episode!!" Well, now that I finished pouting, let's take a part the episode.
Eric (ft Sookie & Lafayette)
The show picks up where we left off. Eric is about to square off with a werewolf, just as Sookie pulls out a gun and shoots. Eric jumps in front of the bullet to prevent it from hitting the Were - WTF? He later explains that he wants info from the wolf, which is why he protected him from the bullet. The wolf gives no information, but Sookie hears the name of the town he's from - Clue 1. Eric spots the tattoo and bites his throat right off, then tells Sookie that he messed up her rug - how cute is that?! Sookie is jumping at the thought of going to Mississippi in search of Bill, but Eric lets her know that: a) He can't go and b) she shouldn't leave right away since werewolves are after her and it will be daylight when she gets to Mississippi (not good for a vamp rescue). She thanks him for his help and lets him know that she's going the next day to find Bill with or without him. When she asks if he can feel when she's in danger, he says yes, but that he wouldn't make it in time to save her. She tells him that for love, she'll take her chances and she doesn't expect him to understand. He says that she'd be surprised and vanishes. He reappears later when he hands over a brand new convertible to Lafayette in order to keep him happy and selling V.
Sookie (ft Eric & Alcide)
The next day she tells Sam that she's going to find Bill. He knows better than to try and stop her, so he just asks how long she'll be and if she needs anything. Her one request is to check on Jessica - not sure if that's a good move. Anyway, she goes home to clean the mess on her rug when she hears a guy wondering if she is the pretty blonde causing all the trouble. She screams and runs, with him right on her heels. He reaches her and tells her that Eric sent him to help her. Over tea, she tells the hottie werewolf Alcide that she is going to stop at nothing to save Bill, unfortunately for him. He's stuck protecting her since his father owes Eric, and he knows the wolves in question since his ex-girl is doing their leader - Ouch! They set off on a quest to save Bill, which starts at a famous wolf bar. They go in and part ways, with Sookie reading minds and Alcide watching from afar. She gets the wolves blood burning by mentioning that she's been to Fangtasia and dealt with the strongest creatures of all - Vamps. Weres have a competitive nature so one wolf in particular wanted to prove that he is the biggest baddest wolf/creature of all, so he takes her to the back. She goes along after seeing his visions of torturing Bill. She gets to the back, can't get any more info out of him, and screams. Alcide comes to save the day and ends up on his rear end. Bouncer man, (aka Alcides' friend) helps him up and tells him she's not worth it. Thinking the convo is about Sookie, he tells him that he doesn't know her that well, but oops - they were talking about two different people. His ex is the topic of convo and the bad news is that she's getting married to the enemy. Poor Alcide - I'm here to comfort you, don't worry :-)
Jessica (ft Franklin and Pam)
Jessica is going crazy after losing a body, so she calls the only Vamp she can think of…Pam. Pam takes a break from lunch, which consisted of what was in between Yvetta's legs, to tell her that losing the body means it is no longer in the house. Problem solved. She hangs up and goes back to eating her meal. Later that evening, Jessica gets a knock on the door. She answers it and tells Mr. Visitor she is not the girl to mess with and flashes her fangs. Unfortunately for her, her visitor is Franklin and he flashes his even bigger fangs right back at her and walks into the house. He lets her know an invitation is not needed since there are zero humans living in the house. Poor Jessica's life just keeps getting better. He asks her is anyone is missing, and she tells him Bill is missing, and leaves out her missing body. Too bad he already knows about the body, since he's the one who took it. He takes the guys head out of the bag and plays puppeteer with it, having the disgusting blow her kisses. Jessica, being the baby vamp that she is, freaks out. He tells her that he helped her so she's going to help him, and demands that she tell him everything she knows about Bill Compton. She obviously listened, since we later see him at Tara's house. Read Tara's summary for info on that little encounter.
Jason (ft Hoyt)
After busting that drug dealer, Jason thinks he has found his calling in life - to be a police officer. Really Jason?! He gets Hoyt to recite the practice test and gets every single question wrong. Hoyt decides to use this time to ask Jason's advice about Jessica. He tells Hoyt she can't handle his heat, and to find someone who can. He leaves and ends up dreaming in his truck about taking the police officer's exam. Well, let's call it a nightmare since his test is in some unreadable language, he tries to get help from Bud, but realizes he is butt naked and gets laughed at by the whole class who has bullet holes through their heads - yup, definitely a nightmare. He wakes up to Lafayette asking him to sign a paper and Hoyt screaming for help. They run over to Hoyt and guess what they find. A headless body! Who does it belong to? Hmmm, it's drained, cut up and headless? You guessed it, Jessica's missing man! That's when Sheriff Dearborne snaps. He quits on the spot, cursing along the way. I wonder if that makes Andy the new Sheriff in town.
Obviously needing a drink, he heads to the bar where he lets Tara know he's there for her, then freaks after she says she wishes he was there that night. Hello, he was, but she doesn't know that and he doesn't want her to, which is why he practically runs away from her. He goes home and seems to lose all hope in the whole police officer Stackhouse dream, since he burns his application.
Sam (ft: his crazy family)
Sam goes back to his family's home to thank his little brother for trying to get him killed. He then leaves and tells them that they should take a little time to absorb this family overload. Too bad his family isn't the brightest because they show up at his bar the next day. He buys them lunch, and they jump for joy, obviously never having eaten lunch before. They go to the table with what appears to be dollar signs in their eyes since they now have a son that isn't a complete loser hiding from the debt collectors. Too bad that when Sam offered lunch, his father must have thought he said liquid lunch. There is a full tray of shots and his father is handing some off to his little brother! Sam intercedes and tells them that underage drinking is both wrong and could cost him his liquor license. He gets into a heated argument with good ole pops, but the mother puts an end to it, and they leave. Later that night, the alarm in the bar goes off and Sam finds a bird flying away from the scene. Too bad shifters can't take their clothes, because the culprit leaves the office a mess and their clothes on the floor. Wonder if it was the mom or the brother? Sam should have left well enough alone! Will this guy ever get a break?!
Terry and Arlene
Arlene's pregnant and decides to confirm it by going to a super weird doctor. He tells her that she is two months pregnant - uh oh! True Blood timeline is hard to keep up with, but guessing from the look on Arlene's face, I'm guessing it's not Terry's baby. Whose baby is it? Hello, the crazy psycho killer Renee's. She goes back to work where Terry assumes that Arlene is going to break up with him since she's been giving him the third degree. She tells him that she's not breaking up with him, but that she's pregnant. He jumps for joy thinking it's his, and Arlene tells him that it is his. That little liar! Someone needs to call Maury or Jerry Springer and get have them take a paternity test pronto!
Tara (ft/ Franklin and Sookie)
Tara has mind blowing sex with vampire Franklin. Hey Tara - I thought you detested vampires. He tries to make pillow talk and asks her if she has a BF - Uh Oh! We all know that Tara is still loca about Eggs, so she gets up and makes for the exit. He tells her his name, but she doesn't want to give up any info about herself. She pretty much tells him this was just a hit and run - then she ran. She heads to work later where she gets a phone call telling her that Eggs funeral was going to take place that day. She rushes to the graveyard and sees that only a police officer and funeral attendant. When she asks them who paid since obviously he had no family, Sookie comes out and tells Tara that she paid for the service. Tara hugs her and they bid farewell to Eggs. Tara also agrees to move back in with Sookie. That night, Tara gets an unexpected visitor. Can you guess who it is? It's none other than Franklin. He knows her name, where she lives and that her bff is dating Bill Compton. Tara pretty much tells him to go to hell and that she will not invite him into the house, but Franklin hypnotized her and he walks right in.
Bill (ft King Russell, Lorena, and the rest of the kingdom)
I saved the best and juiciest for last. Lorena is burned after Bill's welcome home party for her. Franklin decides to have a little talk with Bill and suggests that he turn Sookie so that she can defend herself from the forces of evil that can threaten her, including Franklin himself. He then tells Bill to think about his earlier Sheriff / informant proposition. If he accepts, Sookie is free and clear (from him at least), even though he promised Lorena that he would let her kill the waitress. Bill sleeps on it, all the while dreaming of the time he went to see his wife after being turned. He had returned home and found that his son had died. The wife explains that he got the pox and passed away, but that she was so happy her hubby was back. That was before he turned around and saw that he was crying blood! She freaks and shoots him in the arm. He instantly heals and she runs out the house and right into Lorena. She begs for death since she knows her soul will be saved. Instead, Lorena tells him to scrub out her memories of them and he does. Bill then buries his son and learns the lesson the Lorena has been trying to teach him... If you really love humans, you stay away from them. He wakes from his dream/memory and heads to Russell. He pledges his loyalty to him, in return Russell stops the hit on Sookie. Lorena is pissed off and the King could give a crap. He tells her he is keeping is promise to Bill. She follows Bill into his bedroom, where Bill begins a hate fest. He tells her that she has one. He's lost everything. She kisses him and begs him to make love to her. He screams Never, then begins to pull down his pants and giver her a pounding, while turning her head 180 degrees (exorcist style - yuck!). She screams she loves him, and he suddenly realizes what he's just done. He cheated on Sookie!
My fave's of the show:
Funniest Moment: This goes to both Jason and Sheriff Dearborne.
1) Jason: Hoyt is helping him practice for the police officer exam and Jason's answers (or should I say lack of answers) are priceless. Hoyt asks if he knows the legal limit for blood alcohol levels, Jason's answer is, Um, when you're drunk? He also skips the questions: Murder is illegal - true or false? and Your name and date of birth? Only Jason Stackhouse! This is the male equivalent of the dumb, hot blonde!
2) Sheriff Dearborne: His reasoning for quitting had me dying! He says he's quitting because all he's got to show for the many years on the force is: Caps in my brain and polyps in my ass. Nicely put Sheriff!
Shocking Scenes: This goes to Bill's hate sex scene with Lorena. Words are so not needed for this, but pictures are worth a thousand words, so here you go:
Best quote: This goes to Pam, with her line: This better be good. I'm in the middle of eating.
What was your favorite scene? Did you think the Bill/Lorena sex scene was to over the top or the right amount of gore and passion?
Let me know in the comments below. Remember to take this week's True Blood poll: Who should Sookie pick?Take the poll and let's see what the fans think!
Library Haul 2017 (Feb 19 - 25)
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